Have you ever wondered how much time you’ve spent in your life justifying wants and decisions with imaginary versions of people in your head?
Maybe this is a leap of a question to ask. Maybe I should ease you into my thinking here.
So many of the sessions I’ve had have been about holding the space for someone to show up and give themselves permission to do the things they love doing and be the person they want to be. They hand me money to remind them that it is absolutely alright for them to be who they are and want what they want. Because they wouldn’t want those things if it wasn’t right for them to have.
Hell, I’ve paid money to people that held space for me and gave me that same permission to just be who I am already.
I remember when I was young learning a different path. For instance, I remember knowing that I wanted a pair of shoes. I would just know that a pair of shoes was the right pair of shoes for me. What I learned though, was that this was not enough. Because I wasn't completely in charge of getting the things that I wanted. My father had the money that would get me the shoes and in order for me to get shoes from my father, I needed more than “these are the shoes that I want.” There needed to be list of reasons that added up to why these were the shoes. I learned how to justify many of my wants and decisions in this way. Even though “reasons” or logic wasn't how I made any of my decisions.
So now, many of my decisions or what I’m after have these rational stories attached to them, mostly for the other people in my life. And even more specifically, at this point, the imaginary versions of these people that live in my head. It takes me seconds to feel something is deeply right for me, yet I've spent a massive amounts of time finding the “reasons” why after the fact. Surely things have to be logical and make sense. What if someone asks me why?
I've decided not to give as much of a fuck about the why anymore, because I’m becoming more honest with myself about my why. When I feel like there’s something I want that is right for me and I feel it is part of my path, I say yes. Because yes. Yes is why. And because. That’s why.
Here’s something I've noticed about my path. What I remember about me when I came into the world is I would reach for things I wanted and people would give me reasons why they weren't for me. They were stupid and false reasons, but people would give me those reason anyway. I’m not sure why I knew they were stupid reasons at the time, but I did and this led me to not really believe that the adults and people around me knew what they were doing. The deal is, many of these people had power over me and I needed to placate them to move around in the world.
I’m done with that. There’s really enough everything for all of us. No one is standing in the way of who I want to be. I no longer need to navigate through a field of confused adults to figure out how to be. Oh, wait….
You’re all still out there. Doubting your own wants and occasionally bumping into me asking me to tell you why. Trying to figure out your own why. Well shit. Don’t ask me. Do what feels right. Stop doing what feels shitty. And if you’re not sure, ask yourself what’s getting in the way of knowing. Or ask yourself what you gain by being unsure. Because I've kind of noticed that most of us do know what we want. We just don’t know yet that it’s completely alright to want what we want and have what we want and be what we want.
Seriously, want what you want. Want the shit out of it!
(Catalyst, Breakthrough Specialist, Baggage Assassin, Quit Smoking Specialist, Idea Consultant, Force of Nature)